Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
