I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
