Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
