I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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