he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
