After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize