i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
