ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
No subtext here. People are naked.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
