He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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