I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
