He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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