I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just high enough for therapy.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
