no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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