Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
