Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
