Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
