thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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