Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
