At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
