all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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