I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
