Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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