I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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