This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
