if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Semen is not good for contacts.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
