Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
