i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize