im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
