onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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