I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
