you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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