Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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