Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
