i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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