and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
