he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I deserve this hangover.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
