He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize