Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
