I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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