My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
