Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
