I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
