You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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