he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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