wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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