I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
