I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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