like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
