being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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