i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Randomize
