if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
