Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
