seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
