i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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