Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
