Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
