I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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