had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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