He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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