they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
