So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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