I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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