I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize