trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
