she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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