Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize