I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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