he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
