ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
