my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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