I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Randomize
